Helping Your Child with Social Anxiety: Understanding, Supporting, and Empowering Them

Does your child struggle in social situations?

Does your child find it difficult to go to new places, meet new people, or try new things? Perhaps they:

• Avoid playdates or birthday parties 
• Withdraw from sports or group activities 
• Struggle to raise their hand in class or ask for help at school 
• Find it hard to share their feelings or speak up in groups 

While it’s natural for children to feel nervous or shy in new situations, social anxiety goes deeper. It shows up as persistent, overwhelming fear about social or performance situations. Often leading to avoidance, distress, or extreme discomfort that doesn’t ease with time.

Children who experience social anxiety don’t just “warm up slowly.”

Their fear is often continuous and can begin to affect their confidence, friendships, and many other aspects of daily life.

What is social anxiety and how does it present in children?

Social anxiety is more than just feelings of shyness and can manifest through children in many ways, including:

• Emotional and Cognitive Symptoms: Excessive worry and fear, fear of negative evaluation, negative self-talk and low confidence and self-esteem.
• Physical Symptoms: Increased heart rate and breathing, sweating, trembling, blushing and difficulty sleeping. Stomachaches, headaches and sickness
•  Behavioural Symptoms: Avoidance, withdrawal and isolation, clinginess, tantrums and meltdowns, regressive behaviour and selective mutism. 

Why do some children develop social anxiety?

There’s no single cause, but several factors may contribute:

• A naturally sensitive or cautious temperament
• Past negative social experiences (e.g., unkindness, embarrassment, rejection)
• Family history of anxiety
• High expectations or fear of making mistakes

These children are often deeply thoughtful and observant. They may notice every detail in a room, pick up on subtle changes in tone or body language, and be their own toughest critics.

The good news?

With gentle support, understanding, and the right tools, children can learn to work through their BIG feelings of anxiety, worry and fear, gradually making them smaller and allowing them to socially SHINE, in their own way and on their terms. 

How you can help your child

The goal isn’t to "fix" your child or push them into uncomfortable situations. Instead, it’s about supporting them to feel safe, understood, and empowered to try new things at their own pace.

Here’s how:

1. Validate Their Feelings

• Create an environment where your child feels comfortable and able to share their feelings without judgment or pressure. This includes offering many ways for them to share their feelings including: though words, drawings, writing, colours, feelings cards, and visual resources.
• Listen actively and empathetically, avoiding phrases that dismiss their feelings like, "Don't worry" or "There's nothing to be afraid of." 
• Acknowledge that their feelings are real and understandable, even if it seems irrational to you. Use phrases like, "I can see why that would worry you". "It makes sense that you feel this way. New things can feel hard." "You're not alone. Lots of people feel this way sometimes."

2. Identify triggers together

Help your child pinpoint specific situations or thoughts that trigger their feelings of anxiety. 

This could be a:

• Fear of sensory overwhelm, e.g. too busy, too noisy
• Fear of the unknown and unpredictable 
• Fear of past negative experiences happening again 

3. Plan and prepare through play

One of the most effective ways to support children with any BIG feelings is by planning and previewing through play. Knowledge is power, and predictability builds confidence.

• Talk about where you’re going, who will be there, and what might happen. Look up new places on the internet so children can visualise everything and you could even visit the place in advance to help children familiarise themselves.
• Role-play possible situations in a safe space, practicing what to say or do.
• Use scripting to rehearse common scenarios. For example, "If someone says hello, I can wave or smile."
• Watch shows, read books, or find YouTube videos where characters navigate similar situations.
• You could also consider a social story tailored to specific experiences. (If you would like me to create one for you, please get in touch.) 

4. Understand your child, make reasonable adjustments and always work at your child's pace

• It's important to understand and accept the areas that are a natural part of your child's personality. For example, how they may be naturally more sensitive and the strengths and superpowers that come with this. Part of this is realising that differences aren't always a negative thing. For example, just because they may be sitting on the sidelines watching, doesn’t mean they aren’t enjoying themselves. Sometimes we have to try and look at the world through their eyes, and this may mean letting go of our expectations of what their ‘enjoyment’ would, could, or should, look like.
• In some situations, children may benefit from arriving early or late, and may need time to adjust at their own pace. They may want to hang back for a while to observe, before actively participating.
• Always go at their pace, whilst offering recognition, praise, reassurance and reminders of the areas in which he has choice and control.  
• Sometimes it can be helpful for children to have "a buddy." This can be as simple as finding common ground with another child, or arriving with someone that your child is already comfortable with. 
• It may also be useful to reach out to local groups, like online parent groups to connect with other parents experiencing the same and support each other. 

As with everything, it's important to understand the balance between making sure children feel secure with gentle pushing and encouragement, and when to pull back and let them be, respecting their boundaries. 

5. Create a confidence toolkit

Pack a small bag with comfort items for social situations. This could include:

• A small comforter
• Visual coping cards (e.g., deep breaths, ask for a break, feelings cards)
• Ear defenders or other sensory soothing items like chew buddies and fidget toys
• Encouraging notes from home 

Remind your child before you go, and as you arrive anywhere, "When you feel... you can do this... or that..." For example, "When you feel that something is, or may become too noisy, you can use your ear defenders or move away to a quieter area."

Acknowledge and praise every aspects of your child's efforts and progress, no matter how small. 

This helps build self-esteem and motivation. You could say things like:

If your child’s social anxiety is consistently affecting their ability to participate in everyday activities, it may help to speak with a professional. 

Children who experience social anxiety are not lacking in any way. They are sensitive, thoughtful, and full of potential. With the right support, they can learn to navigate the world with courage and confidence, one small step at a time.

You are your child's greatest cheerleader, and your calm, steady presence can make all the difference.

If you would like to learn more about how we help make BIG feelings child-size through play-based emotional development, feel free to reach out and book a FREE Initial consultation.

Support your child to become a Feelings Detective®, with you as their Emotional Champion, learning and growing together through play.

For further information, please visit the website www.sunnykidsshine.com and find us on social media, www.facebook.com/sunnykidsshine and www.instagram.com/sunnykidsshine